2) Ask yourself How & Why questions, which can generate compelling ideas.
3) Avoid abstractions. Look at concrete things--images, words, sounds--and make connections from Those to larger issues like theme or tone.
Summary (weak): In Joyce Carol Oates's story, Connie is first intrigued and then frightened by the mysterious Arnold Friend who appears at her house and convinces her to drive away with him.
Assertion (stronger): Through her vivid presentation of Connie's battle of wills with the seductive and scary Arnold Friend, Oates underscores the temptations and risks associated with adolescent female sexuality in modern society.
VAGUENESS: Most of the words in a good thesis will be very specific. Good thesis statements avoid indefinite terms and wishy washy evaluative words.
Vague (weak): Several factors contribute to the beautiful way in which Dickinson structures her magnificent poems.
Subjective (weak): Dickinson is our finest American poet.
Specific (stronger): Dickinson's unusual punctuation and compact stanzas in poems such as "I dwell in Possibility" and "Much Madness is divinest Sense" allow the reader to form numerous interpretations, adding to the complexity and resonance of her verse.
LISTING: Occasionally a student will develop a thesis that strings together a lot of adjectives without providing connections between the ideas/observations. This often leadsto a cluster of unrelated descriptive paragraphs. A good thesis demonstrates relationships among its parts.
List(weak): lago is ruthless, power hungry, irrational, and manipulative.
Related ideas (stronger): lago's hunger for power is so intense he eventually becomes irrational, losing sight of the truth and fooling himself as well as others with his manipulations.
STATING THE OBVIOUS: A strong thesis provides the reader with new and original insights. Imagine your audience as an educated person who has considered your topic, but perhaps hasn't given it quite as much thought as you have. You want to teach this person something. Your thesis should elicit a response of "hmm, I hadn't thought of that," rather than "obviously" or "so what?" To avoid the 'so what� response, you need to push past the obvious and look for the tensions which ca help you craft a more complex thesis.
Obvious & Cliched (weak): Angelou's statement is correct because everyone cherishes childhood memories: home is where the heart is.
More Complex & Fully Developed (better): Angelou is correct in asserting that memories of home are inescapable; however, remembering home is not the same as being able to "go home again." Wolfe is talking about the inevitability of personal growth and familial change, while Angelou is commenting on the influence of personal history and familial bonds. The two concepts are not mutually exclusive: one can carry home under one's skin and still never be able to relive the past.
QUESTIONS WITHOUT ANSWERS: Especially in test essays, it's crucial to offer authoritative assertions rather than simply raising questions. Beware of overusing the rhetorical strategy of posing questions to the reader, and when you do use this strategy, answer your own question immediately.
Question: Is Rich's educational plan useful for today's college students? OK if followed by answer: Certainly, if they balance her recommended combativeness and seriousness with flexibility and humor.
UNDEVELOPED LOGIC: When making an argumentative claim you must make explicit the logical steps of your analysis.
Undeveloped (weak): Composition classes rarely improve student writing.
More Explicit Reasoning (better): Most writing classes fail because they increase students' anxiety rather than giving students confidence.
Fully Developed/Acknowledges Complexity (stronger): The ironic problem of learning to write is that a student can't improve unless someone points out her errors, but this very correction might undermine her confidence and hamper her ability to express herself. Perhaps there's no way to entirely escape this difficulty, but one partial solution is for teachers to employ the "portfolio method," which encourages revision and de-emphasizes grades.
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